A Year Later

So we are here.  We made it.  We made it to a year!  November last year swallowed me up, changed my life forever, and it didn't want to let me go.  I have spent a year holding onto all of it.  The good, the bad, everything.  When I entered the GMA makeover contest, I did so during a week that brought with it a feeling of pending doom.  A heavy feeling from things like the time changing, the cold weather, the sun setting so early.  All of these things happened just as Josh had driven himself to the emergency room last year.  It's wild how certain feelings can be brought up from just a change in the temperature outside or the lack of sunshine.  I'm not kidding when I say all that happened was the hardest that I've ever been through. 

When one of the GMA producers called me and told me I was one of 12 finalists and was being considered to win this contest, it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time.  It happened just as that heavy feeling was taking over.  It happened when we all had in the back of our minds (and the front!) all that played out last year.  One of the best things that came out of this for me was the ability to focus on something for the future as opposed to concentrating on how things were.  For some reason the whole experience has given me this clear head to focus on the now and the future.  We made it to the one year mark, Josh is as healthy as he can get, we've made the lifestyle changes, there isn't any reason anymore to wallow in what was.

It also turned into a week full of signs and goodness.  I don't consider myself superstitious, but I do notice repetition of certain things that happen or things in nature that just make us feel better.  For me, I've ALWAYS had ladybugs come to me at certain important moments.  ALWAYS.  Well, on Sunday (Josh's actual surgery anniversary day and the day the film crew came over).  I was sitting with my friend out on the back patio and before I knew it a little black ladybug with two red spots landed in front of me.  I have always wanted to find a black one, but never have!  She got on my hand for a while and then I tried to get her on the basil plant and she was one in an instant.  I haven't seen another nor have I seen any ladybugs since.  She was magical!  I have had two different people at two different starbucks locations this past week buy our drinks in the drive through.  I also bought a couple of lotto tickets today and won $100 on a $1 (I rarely ever get scratch offs and when I do I only win a dollar here and there).  Everything that could have gone right this week, has.  A motivational gift in a way.  There is always more to things than they seem-I don't have any question about that.  I just go with it and never doubt that we are blessed.